It's been a while...but I'm still thankful

We've all been there, life gets away from us. Our pursuits and hopes fade like background noise as the hustle and bustle takes over. New medical challenges presented themselves and my family has struggled through the recovery of not one, but two tethered spinal cord syndrome surgeries in a five month span of time. As the dust settled I realized I'd lost my self. I'd been increasingly sad, frustrated, and feeling lonely. Getting ever further away from my ideal weight and not seemingly anywhere closer to answers for that or other health problems. So after a long break from writing, I'm back!

Here's what I've learned since I last wrote:

Children are resilient. If you stay positive and give them encouragement, even when things seem gloomy or terrifying, they will keep their head held high. You just have to remember to model it (even if you are dying on the inside). My son was so brave going in to the OR for his spinal surgery, cracking jokes to the surgical team and holding my hand with a smile on his face. Was he scared? Of course. Was I scared? Of course. But we chose to focus on the positive, to stay focused on all the good people around us. In fact, he came through his surgery with such flying colors that on the year anniversary of his surgery, instead of asking for presents for his 10th birthday he wanted to give back to help other kids who needed neuro surgery, raising over $500 of cash and inkind gifts to give to the children's hospital. This was of his own doing. He knew that even though sometimes it sucks having Ehlers Danlos Syndrome and Tethered Spinal Cord Syndrome, he was still lucky. Lucky to have access to quality health care, incredibly bright and kind doctors and staff, family and friends who were there for him, and most importantly he was lucky that his medical conditions while life altering were not life ending. Think about this, at 10 he had such insight and empathy for others. He was OTHER focused and resilient.

People can surprise you. I had a spinal surgery last March. The recovery was bumpy at best. But through it all, I had a network of family, friends, and colleagues who pulled together to help take care of the me and the kids, and give my husband some much needed relief. What was surprising, is that not everyone who you THINK will be there for you, whether because they are family or because they've always told you so, actually shows up. This could have made me angry, made me feel helpless or alone, but instead I looked at the people who DID show up. Who brought meals, came to visit me, helped with the kids, stayed with me when my husband had to go to work, or even just simply checked in to ask how I was doing. THESE ARE THE PEOPLE YOU WANT AROUND YOU, all the rest can live on the periphery. I'm not saying you should dump people because they let you down, but going through this helped me truly appreciate the people who do show up and helped me not expend so much energy on the people who couldn't even be bothered to send a text or call.

I am just as terrible now as I was back in 2013 at taking care of myself.  I think that could just be a full stop, but I'll expand it a little. When I was finally back on my feet I went right back to prioritizing everyone's needs over my own. This is a terrible habit that I hope to find a way to break. The challenge is that I used to be active and now everyday movements, like stepping in a shower, can cause dislocations. So going for a run to clear my head or going to yoga or Pilates to center myself are just not on the docket. So that is my next frontier, finding a way to stay positive without being able to benefit from all those endorphins.

Stay tuned...